Every week I attend a course for sex offenders and I am grateful to be on the course and addressing my real issues
What I have learnt from the course I am on is that I am not unique, There are many thousands of people in a similar position to me but too many of them make the leap from attraction to acting upon attraction, I’ve never done this and realise that this may well be my only saving grace.
You see before I thought it was completely hopeless and that even though I had plenty of female friends I was never even remotely attracted to any of them and most assumed I was gay because of this.
Don’t get me wrong here, I am always going to be attracted to preteen girls and I can accept this now and realise that with my own set of moral rules I do not ever have to act on this attraction.
What I am trying to say to guys or even girls who have the same attraction as me is……don’t hurt or abuse a child for a few minutes of selfish pleasure, you’ll ruin their life forever and no matter what you think now, it will haunt you for the rest of yours.
I’ve heard stories from people in my group that have made me feel physically sick and I cannot ever imagine how parents feel when their child is finally able to break the silence and free themselves from the torture they must go through.
But it’s through this group that I have gained acceptance that what I did was so very wrong, It may only have been pictures of young girls nude, but they never knew and I hope they never find out, I apologise to them over and over again in my mind daily.
Please learn to love children for what they are and not for what you think they can give you.
Never touch a child and make excuses to yourself that they probably enjoyed it, you know thats just not true and fear or bribery has bought their acceptance, not desire.
Children flirt all the time with people they trust and do not expect them to act on it, it’s playacting for christ sake, respect that trust and don’t abuse it.
I’ll be back on after my next session and I hope to start including information on my boring normal everyday life as well