I hope to stop mistakes being repeated

A very brief introduction, and please do not hesitate to ask me questions, as long as they are not for some kind of titilation I will not take offence and I will do my best to answer in a way that does not cause offence.

I am a man and have been a minor female attracted adult ever since I was 13-14 and now I am nearing 40.

I have always prided myself on never acting upon my attraction as my own moral code tells me it is completely wrong both physically and mentally for any child.

But three years ago I allowed myself to subvert my own judgement and access and download level one category pictures,  (To those who do not know this is nudity or clothed) I still allowed myself to believe that nothing I was doing was wrong as nobody got hurt and the pictures existed already, they were just nude pictures or clothed pictures that you can probably see everyday so hey what is the problem.

In the end I had around 1100 pictures when I was arrested for downloading them.

I received what seemed like a light sentence at the time of attending a course for sex offenders and paying court costs.

However my real sentencing came when my case was reported in the local media, where I was not a downloader of nude images, But child-sex images, The instant result was losing my job and all of my friends from work and my social life, I neither blame them for their opinions anymore than I blame someone else for my own actions, nor do I resent them for cutting me off completely, I won’t lie and say that it does not sadden me or that it leaves me isolated.

During my time on the course (Currently 9 months) I have been able to see just how much I was able to fool myself into accepting this as harmless.

How can I ever have believed that viewing pictures of any girl without her knowledge for my own gratification was ok…. how can I ever know whether or not she willingly became a model or was forced into it, And how arrogant was I to think that because I did not stray away from nudity into harder topics that somehow, that made me a better person.

I want to use this blog to document my life and my attempts to move on and start to have a productive life again.

I’m hopeful that anybody else in the same situation as me will be able to draw something from this blog to convince them that the desire may exist but the need to act on it need not.

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One Response to I hope to stop mistakes being repeated

  1. God bless you for admitting your struggle and your desire for healing! here is my blog about innocent people who have to register. http://speechless1961.wordpress.com/

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